#42: 13 Tzameti – Gela Babluani (2005)

If Truffaut had made a film based on an original screenplay by Shirley Jackson, it would go something like this.

This film is goddamn near perfect.

You could attribute aspects of it to any number of films, novels, stories, directors, whatever, but what we end up with is a jarring hour and a half of we-dare-you-to-look-away.

As we follow our 'hero' for lack of a better word, we don’t know what is going on any more than he does.

And, as it slowly dawns on him what he’s in for, his eyes grow wider at the same pace that we find ourselves with that dropping feeling in the pit of our stomachs like plunging down the first dive on a roller coaster, knowing that it had just failed a safety inspection.

Truffaut, in all his ordinary glory, (If you can’t tell whether or not that was a compliment, I assure you that it is.) had his protagonists almost sleepwalking through their lives as we watch.

Truffaut's heroes are observers, like Hitchcock's everyman only without the weird and dangerous shit happening.

And our Sebastian is set up as an observer until he suddenly, in a shocking first round to a game that he had no idea he was going to have to play, he realizes that he’s actually one of the ones on show in this morbid story.

Watch this movie. You’ve probably never heard of it.

I don’t care. Find it and watch it. Hell, the poster art is worth the price of admission.

And, in case you care, I’m listening to:

Eden Lake – James Watkins (2008)

Eden Lake has a very familiar plot but it manages to distinguish itself from the likes of Wolf Creek and other generic ‘lost-in-the-woods-please-somebody-save-us-from-these-sadists’ pics.

First, Kelly Reilly’s performance as the damsel in distress who shifts from victim waiting to be picked off to bad-ass motherfucker ready to fuck these vicious bastards up is believable.

Second, each member in the gang of punk kids has their own separate personality, which most screenwriters don’t bother with. And the leader of the gang is unusually cruel, even for movies like this.

And lastly, the film is actually saying something about the complicity of inaction.

The two most disturbing sequences in the film come when the leader of the gang makes everyone take the knife to one of the victims, though it’s clear most of them don’t want to.

It’s equally clear that those who want out could easily overpower those who want to keep going, but they don’t.

The second very chilling sequencing is the last when our heroine stumbles onto the parents of these kids.

Having said all of this and giving this film a great deal of credit, I’m not sure if I actually liked it or not. I am pretty sure I did not enjoy it.

However, it certainly stuck with me and giving me the satisfaction I wanted by seeing the bad guys get their comeuppance by meeting a grizzly and bloody certainly would have been gratifying, but it would have undermined the whole point of the film.

I do recommend it, though, but only for fans of either horror or art films.

There are elements of both Lord of the Flies and Wrong Turn (how’s that for a fucking mix?) here.

Just expect to be haunted for a day or so after watching it. Maybe have something like Superbad on deck to watch if you need to get the taste of this one out of your brain.

And, just in case you care, I'm listening to

District 9 - Neill Blomkamp (2009)

The most striking thing about this film is just the simple fact that it exists. Frankly, I am amazed this movie ever found financing.

If someone had come into my office (assuming I was an investor or producer or whatever) and said, "Okay hear me out, this movie is gonna be the shit. It's like War of the Worlds meets Schindler's List," I would have said, "Get out of my office! No, wait, don't move first I have to come out from around my desk, come over there and slap you with my dick. Not because I enjoy slapping people with my dick, but I think you just need to be slapped with a dick. War of the Worlds meets Schindler's List, what the hell is the matter with you? Get out! No, wait, I almost forgot about the dick slapping."

But as it turns out, I would have been wrong.

From the very beginning, this film unravels slowly, showing you just a little bit at a time to keep you wondering who's got the upper hand on who.

First, the obvious. I loved this film's protagonist. He moves from pocket-protector-wearing nerd to bureaucratic bully to victim and finally to bad motherfucker alien/robot hybrid thingy seamlessly.

Watching this doofus just throw down in the third act of the movie was nothing short of priceless.

What really sells this movie is that it is one of those rare science fiction films that truly understands the craft of social criticism.

Coming off of eight years of some of the worst abuses of power in American history, District 9 might have arrived a few years late, but hell, you can't have everything.

What the film captures so distinctly is the absolute hubris of what we call civilized society.

In District 9, we encounter a society who we know has mastered both intergalactic travel and bio-weaponry so advanced, you have to have the right DNA just to fire their guns. Yet the political and military leaders are convinced that this society is lazy and stupid.

And that's the single treasure of this film. It says more about human arrogance in its 100 or so minutes than could ever be said in a million op-ed pieces.

So, I’m just immensely grateful that whoever green-lit this film did so which just proves the old adage: Measure twice, slap with a dick once.

And, if you care I'm listening to:

Swinging Both Ways

Here's my question.

If an adviser should step down for calling his opponents assholes, should a Vice President step down for telling an opponent to go fuck himself?

Come on.  If we're gonna swing it, let's swing it both ways. 

Hippo-critter.  Hippo-critter.  Say one thing and do the oppo-sitter.

Yeah, I'm real mature.  But please enjoy this picture of a hippopotamus. 

But seriously, when did we turn into a nation of pussies?

All joking aside, if you disagree with me politically, please feel free to call me an asshole.  Or tell me to go fuck myself.

If for no other reason than to give me an opportunity to illustrate that I have thicker skin than these people with their pretend, manufactured outrage who demanded the resignation of Van Jones.

And, if you're wondering, I'm listening to:

Van Jones: A Chilling Resignation And A Terrifying Message To Our Children

As you may have heard, Van Jones, a very dangerous guy with a potty mouth and a mistrust of the federal government has resigned due to his potty mouth and mistrust of the federal government. 

For a society that preaches freedom of speech, we seem to be fond of tossing out people who say things we don't like and tossing them out but quick.

First, Jones signed the Petition to the Senate to Investigate Oddities Involving 9/11 Terrorist Attacks on 911truth.org which, for those of you who aren't familiar, is basically a conspiracy theorist site focused on the 911 attacks.  

Kind of like alt-dot-black-dot-helicopters-dot-com.  Thank you, Dale Gribble.



Then, Jones referred to Republicans as 'assholes.'  And for this, he had to turn in his resignation.


You're bent out of shape because Jones referred to Republicans 'assholes?'  Are you kidding me?

Aren't you guys the tough ones?  The cowboys?

Aren't you the ones who'll keep us safe from the wolves like in the ads leading up to the 2004 Presidential election?  You guys are the ones who have the balls to protect us from the terrorists, right?

But being called an asshole makes you cry?

Jesus.


Are we going to use the same standard across the board?



How about the comments from Lynn Jenkins in August?  Addressing a crowd of Republicans in Topeka, she said, "Republicans are struggling right now to find the great white hope.  I suggest to any of you who are concerned about that, there are some great young Republican minds in Washington."

Just a side-note, congresswoman, you really need to fire whoever on your staff is in charge of letting you leave your house with that haircut.  Seriously, are you sharing an apartment with Laverne?



We elect the first black President and less than a year later, white congresspeople are rushing out to assure their constituents that they don't have to worry because America will be white again very soon.  This isn't underhanded or implied racism.  Rep. Jenkins showed herself to be an apologist for the use of racial tension as a political tactic. 


I'm fairly certain she named her shower-head 'Jesse Helms.'  (Yes, big Jesse, there, there!  I can feel your flabby jowls on my thighs!  Slap that jowl & ram my wobbly leg fat!)


Okay, that was admittedly uncalled for.  But is it really that much of a leap from race-baiter to masturbator?

Wait, what was I talking about?


Oh, right.  Lynn Jenkins assuring a Topeka crowd that they'd find the great white hope.


This is way more insulting than 'asshole.'  It seems that over the course of the last few years, racist language has lost its subtlety. 


But I don't want the good Congresswoman to resign, no matter how big of a silly twat she is.  I want her there, in Congress, present and exposed for the kind of person that she is.


But hypocrisy in politics isn't really what I want to talk about.  It is common and to be honest, like most of us, I'm more or less desensitized to it, kinda like violence in video games and splatter movies.  So the whole 'it's okay when we do it but we'll throw a fit when you do it' isn't that big of a deal to me and let's be honest, our side does it, too.

What disturbs me about the Van Jones business was made clear in a flippant joke that the President made yesterday during a Q & A session with students in Arlington, Va. 

This is one of the things that Obama had to say: "Be careful what you post on the web on places like Facebook because it never goes away and you too could be famous someday."


When I heard that, a chill ran down my spine.


This is the lesson our children are going to walk away with.  Be careful what you say.


Don't let your opinions be known because you may be punished for your beliefs later.


If you stand up for what you believe in, it may haunt you later, so it's best if you keep quiet.


It is nothing more than an intimidating stifling of free ideas and speech.


I want my children to live in a country where they can think and speak freely with impunity.  


I want them to believe what they will and I want them to follow their convictions.  


I want them to speak out with the fear that they may be punished for their ideology. 


It infuriates me that school children are being told, "Be careful what you post on the web on places like Facebook because it never goes away and you too could be famous someday."


And if you are among those who called for or celebrated the resignation of Van Jones, all I can say is please stop saying things like, "the terrorists hate our freedom."


In fact, please stop talking about freedom altogether.


Because it is more than clear that you neither understand or value it.


And, in case you care, I'm listening to:

Indocrination Schmindoctrination

Dear Mr. President, or, as I've come to think of you as, my own personal Jesus,

I think I know how you ought to respond to those who have vocalized their objection to your upcoming address to the schoolchildren of America.

You could argue that no, this isn't about indoctrination and that your speech is going to focus on a non-partisan message regarding the importance of education and staying in school.

You could argue that every sitting President has addressed school children and that any expectation for you to be any different is most likely manufactured, inflated and in some cases just downright racist.

These arguments, however are self-evident to any thinking individual and will not get you anywhere with people whose only goal is to see you fail.

You answer to these concerns, Mr. President, should be as follows:

“I appreciate your concern and can promise you one thing. If America finds itself under attack in the middle of my address to the children of the country, I will cut my message short and see to that pressing matter immediately instead of sitting on my ass for seven and a half silly-ass minutes. Thank you.”

This Is Not An Isolated Criminal Act And I Will Not Let This Go

Since the assassination of Dr. Tiller, pregnant women whose complications are threatening their lives and forcing them to make heartbreaking choices have even fewer options.  

This purple wristband says "Trust Women," which was Dr. Tiller's Mantra, along with the date 5/31/09, the day that Dr. Tiller was assassinated.  


But remembering a very brave man who put his life on the line to help women who had nowhere else to go is a relatively small part of why I wear this wristband.


The greater tragedy is the countless women who will die because Dr. Tiller has been taken from us.  

The blood of these women is precious and we have to do everything we can to see that Dr. Tiller is replaced so that these lives are not forfeit.


Because of the kind of domestic terrorism we saw on that terrible Sunday morning, we are in danger of losing doctors who are willing to help these women and this can only end one way and that is with the unnecessary deaths of women.

Show your respect for the sanctity of life and demand that women get the care they deserve.  Their lives are at stake.  

We can not let this go and we can not ever forget.

Get a wristband.

Get involved.

www.prochoiceamerica.org

Asked And Answered: How Would Jesus Respond To Your Protest Sign?

Impotence

As a Socialist who normally votes for Democrats in major elections, I am very close to declaring my vote for a third party candidate officially un-wasted.

If you are so inept that you can't get any meaningful health care reform passed with the majority that you have, then there is no goddamn hope for you at all. 

I am fairly certain a naked Dr. Who could do a better job than you.  But then, he's a timelord and you're just minions, so that's not really fair I guess.

So please, grow some balls or get fucked.  Thank you.

Inglourious Basterds - Quentin Tarantino (2009)

The holocaust was an event that was so traumatic to the world that the entire human race is still suffering from post-traumatic syndrome. The event is embedded in our public consciousness as the embodiment of evil in actual human form.

When people discuss of some of the big questions like the existence of evil or hell or Satan, it’s Nazis that many of us think of.

As such, the savagery of Basterds is dreadfully cathartic.

Basterds is simply the best of this generation of WWII movies, including Saving Private Ryan which tried to say so many things about war in general that in the end, it was afraid to make one solitary cohesive statement.

Basterds is simply the best of this generation of WWII movies, including Saving Private Ryan which tried to say so many things about war in general that in the end, it was afraid to make one solitary cohesive statement.

I do have one piece of praise for Ryan, lest I piss a bunch of people off by criticizing it. Almost every war movie I have ever seen, even anti-war movies have an adreneline-rush action movie quality to them. In other words, they kinda make the most primitive part of you kinda wish you were there.

The opening sequence of Ryan was claustrophobic and terrifying. You had a sense of helplessness and more importantly, you did not want to be there.

If only there were an Oscar category for Best First Twenty Minutes of a Bad Movie.

Alas and Alack.

Not so with Basterds. Agree or disagree, Tarantino definitely has something to say about the place violence has in society. The argument here is that violence is a tool and it can be used for good as well as evil.

Basterds reminds us th at events like this create heroes as well as monsters. I think of those who risked death and torture to smuggle or hide Jews and fight the Nazis.

The fact that human beings are capable of strength that profound is beautiful.

It’s rare for an historic event to occur where the lines between good and evil are so clearly drawn.

Aside from the theme and grandeur of the film, Basterds is hopelessly intimate. Each character, from Brad Pitt’s gaily merciless Lt. Aldo Raine to the righteous but brutal ‘Bear Jew’ to vixen movie star spy Bridget von Hammersmark and especially dear, vengeful Shosanna, is precious to us.

And that love that Tarantino clearly has for each individual in this story, more than the gleeful violence or dark wit makes Basterds a treasure.

Best Tarantino villain since Mr. Blonde.

Hottest Tarantino femme since Maria de Medeiros.

Best Tarantino opening sequence since Madonna's big dick or garcon means boy.

If you haven't seen it yet, Inglourious Basterds is a great goddamn film. It belongs right up there with Pulp Fiction and Reservior Dogs.