Monday, April 13, 2009

Concealing intelligence

So here's my idea. State Representative, at least in Missouri and Kansas, must be required to wear helmets at all times and must have oven mitts duct-taped securely over both hands. They have stenographers, etc. taking notes, so they really don't need (or deserve) the dexterity given to us through our opposable thumbs. Remember, evolving is a privilege, not a right.

Also, seriously, no more cousin-fucking. No matter how bangable your cousins may be. Clearly, it doesn't produce the kind of leaders the world of tomorrow will require.

Let’s go to the state House in Jefferson City, MO, where according to an AP story by Chris Blank, last Wednesday, April the 8th, legislation that would lower the age required to obtain a conceal and carry permit from 23 to 21 years old and lift the ban on concealed weapons at public colleges and universities received initial house approval.

Of course, people who actually spend time inside our wonderful, progressive Missouri academic institutions are scared fuck-dickless by the idea. Gary Forsee, the University of Missouri system President is concerned that such a measure would "increases the risk that our university family could be put in harm's way."

Photo courtesy Missouri Digest News

Of course, this isn’t going to stand in Missouri State Representative Brian Munzlinger’s way. For those of you who don’t know, Munzlinger is the cunting-fucked-up-in-every-twat-ass-way-my-Christ-I-bet-even-Jesus-himself-hates-this-guy, lead supporter of this bill.

But I must concede that he does have a very manly beard. I don't mind telling you, I'm a little turned on right now.

He said, (I’m paraphrasing) that people who were thinking about steppin’ and doin’ shit wouldn’t do shit if they thought someone might have a concealed gun and stop them.


Those of you who know me know that I do listen to conservative talk radio from time to time in my car. I believe that knowing what the enemy is saying is critical.

I remember the day of the Virginia Tech massacre, I was driving around and Neal Boortz was saying (and again, I’m paraphrasing) that this whole tragedy could have been averted if only someone on campus was packing a gun.

See, then they could’ve shot the bad guy and saved the day. See how that works?

Christ, people are stupid. But, hell, that’s part of what makes this country great. Fucktards can say anything they want with impunity and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

It’s the same freedom that lets me call Neal Boortz a fucktard. It actually makes me feel kinda warm inside.

However, when like-minded fucktards… Hold on, I’ve already used fucktard twice. Let me come up with something else….

Dipshit, too common and boring. Fuckhead is too close to fucktard and so is fuckface for that matter.

Cunnie-juice brained fuckos. No, that wouldn’t be fair to fuckos and besides, cunnie-juice is one of my favorite things.


Greinke. Perfecto.

When like-minded Greinkes manage to stumble into any kind of legislature, it’s time to panic.

Maybe the smarties outnumber the Greinkes. We can only hold our breath and wait to see what happens when the State House and Senate actually vote on this.

That is if they can manage to not drool all over themselves first.

In a completely unrelated story, on April 3, 2009, Jiverly Wong used a 9 mm and .45-caliber handgun to kill 13 people at the American Civic Association building in Binghamton, NY.

According to Deborah Hastings, AP National Writer, earlier that day, Wong mailed an envelope to a Syracuse television station.

Inside was his gun permit along with pics of his jolly smile, holding his shiny, candy-like guns, and his driver's license.

The gun permit was issued to Wong in 1997. Two years later, police were tipped off that he was planning to rob a bank so he could buy crack. (I swear to fuck, I am not making this shit up.)

And still, the right to bear arms was not taken from him. That’s awesome.

I wonder who actually did have the honor of taking the gun out of his cold, dead hands.

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