Saturday, May 2, 2009

When I Am Elected God: Part 1

Michael Bay, Joel Schumacher, Scott Stapp, all of the Eagles and any television personalities who talk like Fire Marshall Bill will be banned from the BatCave.

Heaven will be renamed “The BatCave.”

Tony will be reincarnated as Roseanna Barr’s clit. (You don't have to know which Tony. He knows what's coming.)

Tantrum throwing conservatives will be reminded on a daily basis that for the past 8 years they have been telling us that criticizing our President is Un-American. They will then be cooked and eaten by Mark Mangino.

Roberts, Thomas, Scalia & Alito are hunted down by Mothra, Godzilla, Clive Owen from Shoot ‘em Up or Rodan, depending on what kind of budget I have, the Supreme Court will be stacked with Obama appointees.

You will be able to select your own password on your own goddamn terms. None of this at least one letter and at least one number shit. If I want my password to be badmotherfucker, it’ll be badmotherfucker, goddammit.

Toby Keith will get the Dixie Chicks treatment. What’s the fun in winning if we’re not going to eye-for-an-eye these fuckers? He will also then be eaten by Mark Mangino.

John Waters will be the new pope.

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